Tips for writing an amazing profile!
Only 12 months ago I joined the online dating community, at age 39. I confess to having major writing blocks when it came to filling out those two intimidating little boxes: About yourself and Who are you looking for. This post is meant to decode the difficulties in writing your online dating profile.
After researching the online dating community, I decided there was only one site that I would join; SA. After making my decision, I proudly reached for my laptop, and with excitement puffed out my chest and cracked my knuckles. Being a writer, my optimistic thoughts were, “I’m a writer, c’mon, what could be easier than to write about myself and how easy is it to cut and paste my list of desired qualities in a man?”
My ‘profile-writing-confidence’ quickly diminished after posting my profile and at some point completely disappeared when I began to question the responses that I was receiving to my profile.
Fast-forward 12 months later, I have researched TEDex talks, have read books on profile writing and I have even participated in online podcasts held by profile writing gurus. My point is that writing a profile for an online dating site is quite a challenge!
Here are my tips for writing an amazing online dating profile:
Language
Every word used on the profile is meant to help the reader learn about you. He can get a feel for your personality, and figure out if there is enough chemistry to initiate a conversation. This is the first impression he gets of you so make it a breeze for the reader. Make the sentences sound like there is a face-to-face conversation going on. He should be able to envision you by the words you choose and the style you write in.
Sometimes writing profiles can be very one sided. Remember, this is a mutually beneficial relationship! When describing yourself and your ideal partner, step out of the crowd by being mindful of how many times the "I" pronoun is used in your descriptions. Instead, use “you” and let him imagine himself with you.
The words we choose will be remembered, so make it honest. Being deceitful in any way, shape or form will probably not yield you the best results. At first, getting to know someone online means leaving some things out or not telling the whole truth for your own safety. Simply explaining the situation once you get to know each other will be forgiven. But lies and alternative facts have a way of rising to the surface one way or another.
Is your profile tailored?
When writing your expectations for Who You are Looking For, ask yourself why your ideal partner would be on this site? What is he hoping to find? What type of woman is his ideal partner? By doing this prior to posting, you will have successfully put yourself “in your ideal partner’s shoes” and will know what to say more clearly, more effectively, and with a level of emotion that will catch his attention enough to message you.
If you end up writing a catch all description, just hoping to have someone, just anyone message you, whether due to desperation or simply because you are unsure of what to write, your chances of reaching your ideal partner, or having your ideal partner find you will be slim.
Sugar
A Sugar site revolves around the concept of a mutual “investment” that is agreed upon by both parties. An agreed upon “investment” in exchange to share time together, with a compatible companion, is NOT the same as an expectation to have someone financially support you. (Unless this is something that is mutually agreed upon)
Sugar sites are tools for finding “companions worth investing in.” If you are on any type of dating site that is NOT sugar related, the expectations are completely different. On a sugar site, money, time, and expectations are all subjects that are honestly, openly, and freely communicated.
Also, consider that if you have a profile on a non-sugar site and an active profile on a sugar site, the obvious opinion is that you do not have clear goals. Ask yourself why anyone would “invest” in spending time with you when they can simply communicate with you outside of the Sugar world.
Having clear goals for yourself is a priority for your success, not just in online dating, but in the business world as well. Consider wording your profile with phrases that add value to who you are. This wording is your first interaction. Make a lasting impression of why you are a worthy investment. Always keep in mind what value is being provided to each other?
Market Yourself
In the business world, in order to properly manage a marketing campaign of any sort, you need to have done your research on the market, know your target audience, know your competition, and most importantly know how you are a greater value than everything out in the market competing against you.
If you keep this idea in mind, and detach any emotions from when you are creating your verbiage for your profile, you will already be ahead of those who have not done this type of research.
Being an emotionally mature woman of 40, I have had enough life experience to know who I am, what my career and personal goals, why I am on a sugar site, and who I am looking for. Because the sugar world is made up largely of much younger SBs who are yet to find out these life-long questions, take your time to honestly introspect.
Only when you are able to clearly answer these questions, are you then ready to put them in writing. However, this is not the end of the self-exploration. The next step is to find language that expresses your personality while being able to engage your reader enough to create a connection. Your profile will then convey all of these points in an emotion-provoking language that will prompt him to contact you. A single sentence for each section will probably not achieve your desired connection.
Sexual innuendos, sexual play in words and other types of overtly sexual material will yield a very specific type of response, especially on a dating site like SA. If you are looking for these types of responses, you’re on the right track. However, if you are not looking for this type of ‘connection’, then maybe writing a story of how flirty, sexy and cute you are, may be a more appropriate manner to portray your sexual side.
Bringing it all together
Prior to posting your descriptions, you may want to consider writing your descriptions in Word. This will ensure proper grammar, spelling, typos, and auto corrects are not part of your profile. You may also consider having someone you trust, of the opposite sex, read your profile to have an honest first time reader reaction. This will give you much needed feedback. Are you evoking the feelings that you wish to?
If your online account has been active for longer than 6 months to a year, cancel it and create a whole new profile. The robots rank newer profiles higher.
Be selective and patient. If your profile is bringing you opportunities to meet face-to-face, there still has to be a selection process or weeding out process prior to investing time in meeting face-to-face.
BULLET POINTS
. Purpose of every profile is to create an emotion strong enough in your ideal partner, that they will take action and reach out to you.
. Every word used on the profile is meant to help the reader learn about you, get a feel for your personality, and figure out if there is enough chemistry to initiate a conversation.
. Make the sentences sound like there is a face-to-face conversation going on.
. Chances for success are higher if you know WHO you are, WHAT you are looking for in a partner, and are ABLE to express these ideas in an engaging manner.
. Know your ideal partner by putting yourself in your 'ideal partner's shoes'. Why is your ideal partner on the dating site? What are they hoping to find there? Are you that person they're looking for?
. If your online account has been active for longer than 6 months to a year, cancel it and create a new one. The online robots rank newer profiles higher.
. Are you looking for someone that is career driven, fun, flirty, unique, classy, intelligent, and down to earth, spontaneous, loves to travel, loves fine dining, etc? We all are. When describing yourself and your ideal partner, use engaging phrases that will create an emotional connection (will resonate) with your target.
. When describing yourself and your ideal partner, step out of the crowd by being mindful of how many times the "I" pronoun is used in your descriptions.
. If you are on ANY type of dating site that is NOT Sugar related, the expectations are completely different. On a Sugar site it is all about the "investment" of time and providing compatible companionship that is worthy of that investment. What value is being provided to each other?
. Sugar sites are NOT to financially support a partner, they are a tool to find "companions worthy of investing in." These are my words.
. If you are on ANY type of dating site that is not Sugar related, AND also have a profile on a Sugar site, you do not have clear goals. Why would anyone "invest" in you when they can simply find you in a traditional dating site?
. The profile is an interaction, to show case why any reader would see your companionship as a worthy investment.
. Profiles are not meant to be a one size fits all. These type of profiles do not portray who the author is, what the author wants, who the author is looking for, and will probably not reach the intended ideal partner.
. Be selective and patient. If your profile is bringing you opportunities to meet face-to-face, there still has to be a selection process or weeding out process prior to investing time in meeting face-to-face.
. Be personable and convey ease while portraying/translating your value. Make it easy to send a message to reach out to you.
. Finding/attracting your ideal partner on a dating website will be much more enjoyable if you are happy with who you are, know yourself, are honest about your expectations, and know how to market yourself.
. Most profiles (male and female) commonly state that they are down to earth people, that they are spontaneous, love to travel, love the finer things in life, love fine dining, and are all looking for a "connection". If these words are on your profile right now, please know how boring it is to read the same ol’ words in all profiles. Problem is, these words do not convey any information about who you are. They also bundle you with the crowd without differentiating you from everyone else using the exact same words.
. Commonalities in female profiles had age posted as a feature. Goals are also mentioned quite often. Many profiles that I researched have specific requests for girlfriend allowances and how they are to be paid. While these topics may be important to some potentials, these “topics” are conversation material that does not quite say who you are as a person and they do not portray why you would be a worthy “investment” of someone’s valuable time.
. We are all unique. What about you makes you, YOU?
. We all imagine an ideal partner to be something quite unique, something that is a perfect fit for just you. Who exactly is that ideal partner, for you?
. Sexual innuendos, sexual play in words and other types of overtly sexual material will yield a very specific type of response, especially on a dating site like SA. If you are looking for these types of responses, you’re on the right track. However, if you are not looking for this type of ‘connection’, then maybe writing a story about how flirty and cute you are might be a more appropriate manner to portray your sexual side.
. Writing out your profile in Word, prior to posting, may take care of grammar, spelling and simple typos.
. Being deceitful in any way, shape or form will probably not yield you the best results. Lies and alternative facts have a way of making it into conversation at some point or another.
While I could do an entire post on just the picture section here are some points to consider:
. A picture is worth a thousand words, right? What types of pictures are on your profile? Do you look classy? Are all of your pictures so air brushed that you are unrecognizable? Are your pictures RECENT? Do you have a mix of professional pictures with selfies? Do your pictures all have heavy filters? I update my pictures every month or every few months. Any picture that is 6 months to a year old, I delete and simply take a new one.
. There is a lot of content that is written in profiles that is best left for actual conversations. Remember that the profile is meant to be a tool to find a potential “ideal match” and to have this potential reach out to you. That’s the end of the profile’s purpose.
I hope that you found this information helpful. If you have any questions or comments, please share with me what you like best about the profiles that you are reading and what you like least.
After compiling your responses, I will repost a follow up with your best profile writing tips!
Sending my love to you all,
MUAH!
Elizabeth
My old profile
My new profile
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